I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
