just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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