Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
