i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
