if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
