It's like God shit irony all over that family
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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