kristin has been a bad kristin
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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