Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
