you didnt know i had herpes?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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