Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
