Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
