There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I need moral support for this bender
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
