uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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