i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
