got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
