Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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