I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize