I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
