I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
