So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
