Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
