took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
