I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
