i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize