Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
