There was a lot of him and a little penis
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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