I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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