i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize