so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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