i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize