i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
