I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
