the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
