"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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