This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
