you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
