he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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