so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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