I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
