hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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