There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
