You just made me feel so damn special
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
