Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
