Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
