You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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