i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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