Pappa wants mamma naked
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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