I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
