Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
