you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
