went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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