weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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