she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
