we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
