I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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