what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
