I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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