KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
