Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
