I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
