I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
