jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
