True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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