He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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