wakey wakey hands off snakey
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
