I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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