Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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