remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
