Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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