Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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