I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
